Bryan McCabe

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Bryan McCabe's most powerful weapon

Bryan McCabe is a defenseman for the Florida Panthers.. He is well-known for his slapshot, and less well-known for any sort of defensive skill. . He has also played for Team Canada at the 2006 Winter Olympics and made it known that he hated the jerseys because they made him look svelte and trim like some Eurofag Swede and not enormous and manly as all good Canadian boys should.

Rivalry with Net

A fierce rivalry was ignited between Bryan McCabe and the net (not to be confused with the empty net) on October 9, 2007, against the Carolina Hurricanes, when the Net viciously cross-checked McCabe as he was coming out from behind the Net. The hit passed a review by NHL disciplinarian Colin Campbell, much to his chagrin. Later in the game, McCabe was to throw a warning shot at the Net, barely missing it and partly infuriating but mostly confusing Vesa Toskala.

McCabe would have his revenge six days later while playing for the Sabres. Unsatisfied with giving another brazen warning to the net and scaring the everloving fuck out of Andrew Raycroft, McCabe blasted a wicked clearance into the Net with just 3.6 seconds left in overtime.

He shoots...
He scores why did he score why?

McCabe as a Canuck


McCabe on Defense

What? Oh right, that time when he doesn't take slapshots. Yeah, this is when McCabe prefers to flounder around and hope that Kaberle makes a smooth pass to begin a breakout play.

McCabe as an Olympian

Look, we don't know why this happened or why he wasn't on the main powerplay unit. Let's pretend it never happened.

McCabe as a Fighter

McCabe on the New NHL

Bryan McCabe will never play under a salary cap, because he just thinks players deserve a fair shot at a solid marketplace and a chance to earn a decent living.

McCabe on being a fat, overpaid, lazy ass bum who earns $5.75 million per season for little more than a wicked slapshot and doesn't even have the veteran presence or charming personality of an Al MacInnis

Not shown: Andrew Raycroft's tears of frustration

McCabe on the Florida Panthers

Bryan McCabe was finally traded in September of 2008. Since he was traded to the Florida Panthers, it's likely that this page will never be updated again unless he does something hilariously stupid in a game against a team somebody actually cares about.